Dumfries (Scotland) in a Hired Motorhome

River Nith, Dumfries

The Motorhomers are walking along the ‘White Sands’ on the bank of the River Nith in Dumfries;

‘Look at thae two eejits in front, Phemie, tryin’ tae look important. Thae’re as thick as two planks o’ wood’

‘Aye thae’re like a couple o’ planks, thae’ve goat sawdust for brains, Jessie’

‘Och, stoap, Phemie, don’t make me laugh, ye know whit happens when I laugh’

‘It’s nice tae be doon at the seaside again, Jessie’

‘Phemie, we’re no’ doon at the seaside, we’re in Dumfries. Ye’re beginnin’ tae sound jist like that wee man o’ yours’

Jessie called out to the lads in front to stop for a moment;

‘Phemie an’ I are goin’ roon’ the charity shoaps, we’ll see the two o’ ye in ‘Burns’ Howf’ later’

Francie’s petted lip was showing and Phemie said;

‘Thae dae a nice steak pie there, Francie,’ she said, as she straightened his tie and patted him on the head

Auchenreoch Loch

The lads were sitting supping Guinness when the ladies arrived at the bar;

‘Ok, ye two, let’s go through tae the restaurant’ said Jessie

‘Och, I like this, Jessie, nice white tablecloths, tae’ said Phemie

‘Aye, it gie’s the place a bit o’ class, Phemie’ said Jessie

The steak pies arrived at the table;

‘Could ye bring me broon sauce, hen?’ asked Josie

The brown sauce arrived at the table;

‘I jist love broon sauce’ said Josie, while shaking the plastic bottle

There was a sound like a big Clydesdale blowing rasberries rearwards, as Josie applied the sauce, splurting the concoction all over the nice white tablecovers;

‘Ye bliddy big stumour, Josie’ said Jessie, ‘noo look whit ye’ve done, whit a bliddy mess, ye numpty’ she said

Francie could be heard sniggering.



Joe Sharp

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