Oxford Boaters by Motorhome

Typical London Scene

‘Francie, we’ll take the tour bus we’ll be able tae use oor bus passes’

‘Sure, Josie, sure, Josie’

‘Here it comes, Francie, an’ oan we go’

The tour guide girl appeared just as the lads had taken their seats;

‘Good morning gents, may I see your tickets, please’

The two canny Scotsmen produced their bus passes;

‘I’m sorry gentlemen, but these passes are not valid on the tour bus
You will have to pay’

Francie produced a ten pounds note with reluctance;

‘I’m sorry, sir, we don’t accept foreign currency on the tour bus’

‘But it’s a guid Scottish banknote, ye wee eejit’

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow bad language on the tour bus’

The driver of the tour bus, hearing the commotion arrived on the scene
He was a big chap with a bald head and built like a Balerno bull

‘Can I assist here, Minnie?’

‘Yes, Paul, these two louts are using vulgarities towards me’

The driver felt the two lads’ collars and ushered them off the bus;

‘I was jist aboot tae have him there, Francie, ye know?’

‘Sure, Josie, sure, Josie’

In Hyde Park

Boaters on Thames at Oxford

The Motorhomers had stopped by the edge of the river Thames at Oxford
The womenfolk were sitting supping two glasses of gin and tonic;

‘Look at thae two eejits oot there, Phemie, Popeye an’ his Parrot
They’re in for a doin’ if thae two big Oxford guys come for their boat’

‘Jessie, dae ye think the college does evening classes for needlework?’

‘Whit wid ye want tae dae needlework for, Phemie?’

‘Och, Jessie, I’m forever darnin’ wee holes in Francie’s Long-Johns’

‘Phemie, It’s that big hole in the middle that needs a granny-knot’

‘Och, Jessie, stoap it, ye’ve goat me in stitches’

‘That wee bit o’ fresh air oot there’ll gie them appetites like hoarses’

‘Och, say ‘Neigh Mare’ Jessie, ye’ll have me weein’ my Jodhpurs’

‘Och, magic, Phemie, magic’

Meanwhile, in the middle of the river, Francie is being curious;

‘Josie, dae ye think the college does evening classes for plumbin’

‘Francie, I’m delighted tae have anither further opporchancity
Tae further enhance yer further education
Are ye havin’ bother wi’ yer plumbin’, Francie?
Well, my answer’s naw, Francie, an’ I’m starvin’
Let’s get ashore, we’ll get an English breakfast before noon’

‘Sure, Josie, sure, Josie’

The Full English Breakfast

Joe Sharp

Perhaps you would enjoy reading the adventures of Francie and Josie.




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